March 10th Morning of..

I am having a pretty good day so far. Reese did wake a little this morning around 5 am which isn't what we want because when she wakes she feels discomfort and is pulling at her cords. It made my stomach sick to watch but they were able to get her back under shortly. A doctor came in around 8 am and briefly talked to me about another little girl that he had last week and he said that she was Reese's mirror image patient. This little girl spent about a week in ICU and is now recovering in the pediatric unit. It was the first time a doctor has said we are going to get through this instead of this is life-threatening and we don't know yet. So this was a big huge gigantic relief. He reccomended a possible procedure they may do where they perform a laproscopic surgery (vats) and go in and scrape the lung clean. Later the lung specialist, a different docotr, came in and I questioned him about the VATS procedure and he let me know it is a good option but maybe not our next step. He recommended we give her a drug called HTP which is similiar to a blood thinner in that it would thin the infection that is in her lung. And so this morning around noon they will start that. This doctor was also reassuring and let me know that with how she is responding to treatment thus far that we will see recovery but we just don't know how quickly. The signs that show she is improving is that through the respirator her vitals are sustained. If she was taken off the respirator she wouldn't be able to breate and so that is why we are in the ICU. But since her vitals are good, her blood pressure is good, her temperture is doing pretty good and other stuff she is sustained. Today they are also going to start feeding her intravenously. I really do feel at peace about the situation. We are so thankful for your prayers. I think I am still in shock that I am in this situation and guess I try and not think too much about it. It was hard yesterday when I went home and slept for a bit and showered. As I was putting on my makeup I instictively kept glancing over waiting for Reese to stick out her hand for her moisturizer and looking for my make-up brushes to apply her eyeliner and blush. I will definately never say she is driving me crazy again and Eric knows that we now have a new bed partner for life. We were trying to break that habit and I said I would never have a kid who sleeps in my bed with me but somehow she always finds her way in. I guess we will have to get a bigger bed. I brought down a picture of Reese with her snuggle bunny and the tutu with the four crazy ponies on top and everyone has shown their appreciation that they can see what she is really like. I am so thankful she has a lot of spunk because it will help her get through all of this.

A few thoughts from Saturday and Sunday. It really is all a blur and nice man Geoffrey assured us that we will look back and laugh about this, can't wait................but in the emergency room I knew things were serious. After getting the chest x-ray the doctor came in and said we have a big case of pneumonia, "I said can you please repeat that." I just had to take it in and process it. She let us know that the special unit would be coming in transporting her to the childrens hospital. I directly asked her, "My baby isn't going to die is she? And she responded with, "we are going to do the best we can." My heart about broke and that it about the time I lost it and you think to yourself this can't be me and my baby in this situation. Next Geoffrey who is a part of this special unit came and after they had checked her out he said they would like to give her a paralzying drug and sedate her so that they could intrabate. At this point I am thinking you can do anything you want to just keep her alive. After a few seconds I realize that Geoffrey is going to put my baby under and then the questions started. How long? What will it be like for her? The enormity of it became real. Looking back this was the best thing we did, it was do it in a calm planned calculated setting versus an emergency situation where she wasn't breathing and then do it. Everyone has been so so kind. I haven't met anyone yet who hasn't been so observant of our feelings.

Just now the social worker came in to see if there was anything we needed and once again I sit here and try and respond to her and just can't believe I am here. I had to suppress the tears. I am so thankful for all the support and to a wonderful strong husband. I have seen a few Moms in here that I know they don't have a spouse to turn to. We are so blessed.