Two Months Later

I have really wanted to write more but life has been a little crazy. Reese has had a full recovery but now we have learned to become paranoid parents and worry with every little cough that pneumonia is on its way. Eric and I are normally pretty laid back about coughs, colds, and all that stuff so I have to tell myself that we need to be paranoid about this kid for the next year or two. So many emotions and thoughts that I have wanted to get down but just haven't let myself. I don't know why. It may because it will make me cry or just have been busy. Busy staying at home and away from people so Reese won't get germs but busy too. The first week or two home as I would be driving Waklee to school and passing the hospital where we took Reese to the E.R. it would bring back a flood of memories and most days I would tear up. One thing that always gets me is when I think about Eric calling his Mom and asking her to come and the fact that Kirk was able to fly her here gets me everytime. Just the selflessness of doing that for us and not even thinking twice about it I am sure. We needed Lana here so much and it just took such a load of to have her here. I will always be so greatful for such a wonderful family that we are a part of. When I look back at the long two weeks and the stress of it and think of poor Eric having to take all his tests I just want to curl up and sleep. You know we forget quickly about stuff like that and maybe we shouldn't forget so quickly. I remember a point in the beginning when we didn't know if Reese was going to make it and Eric and I being there just the two of us dealing with this nightmare and thinking wow I am so incredibly thankful for my marriage. I have someone I can rely on right now, that I can turn to and cry my eyes out, someone who knows exactly everything I am feeling and just thinking that this is what being married is about. So deeply thankful for Eric he is such a good man and kept me smiling the entire time. When I look back on the strength I had throughout the situation I have no idea where it came from, okay I do know where it came from, but I never thought I was capable of such strength. Part of me feels like I was in a type of shock were I had to be strong or I would have fell apart. I have often wondered how I would handle certain situations and I guess well maybe I now know. Something I also have wanted to write down is in the beginning up at the ICU when we were unsure if Reese was going to make it I remember thinking that I was going to be one of those parents, one of the parents that lost a child, a parent that knew the deepest grief that I think could be felt and I just couldn't beleive that I would become one of those parents. Oh how my heart goes out to those parents. I can imagine what pain you feel, I do know what it must feel like to have a broken heart I was almost one of you. I am so sorry for you. And as for my Heavenly Father I cannot express those feelings deeply or clearly enough. In the beginning I was constantly praying that is all I could do and then I reached a point where I stopped and I don't know how to explain it or why but I just felt like the Lord knew me, knew my heart, knew my pleadings, and knew what I needed. I felt like He took over for me and I didn't need to ask anymore. I felt Him there with me, comforting me, helping me, watching over me. He was there and helped me through this awful time and He was my strength that so many have wondered how I could have. A good friend sent me this email at the end of our trial and I really appreciated it because I lived this:

Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and
> purifier of silver." This verse puzzled some women
> in a Bible study and they wondered what this
> statement meant about the character and nature of God.
>
> One of the women offered to find out the process of
> refining silver and get back to the group at their
> next Bible Study
> That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an
> appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention
> anything about the reason for her interest beyond her
> curiosity about the process of refining Silver.
>
> As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of
> silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained
> that in refining silver, one needed to hold the
> silver in the middle of the fire where the flames
> were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
>
> The woman thought about God holding us in such a
> hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that
> says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver."
> She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had
> to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the
> silver was being refined.
>
> The man answered that yes, he not only had to
> sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his
> eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the
> fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the
> flames, it would be destroyed.
>
> The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the
> silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is
> fully refined?"
>
> He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy --
> when I see my image in it."
>
>
> If today you are feeling the heat of the fire,
> remember that God has his eye on you and will keep
> watching you until He sees His image in you.
>


So thankful for the restored health of our little Reese. She is such a joy in our life and has so much personality. She keeps us entertained and smiling. Thankful that we will be able to raise her and have her with us here on earth. Thankful for a wonderful husband, wonderful family, and for the friends that helped us through this hard time in our life. I am so thankful for a Heavnely Father who took over when I needed it the most.